So I've had a pretty bad case of food poisoning. And I mean the full package! .. nausea, abdominal cramping/pains, vomiting, diarrhea, chills, and fever. It's already Thursday & I'm still feeling bad. It's not as bad as it was before... but I am still having the stomach pain and nausea.
What really pisses me off is that I've missed most of the 2nd week of college. You have no idea how upset I am! I mean really, how other people are (or might) going to view it:
"Wow, it's only Yesenia's 2nd week of school and she's already missing classes and getting sick."And my view:
"Fuck, I'm in so much pain!"I dunno, I guess with me it's always on my mind that I'm going to disappoint people. I've been told not to worry about that and that I can't please everyone & to just try my best. But it just makes me sad. I've been out of school for a year, these past few months I was stressing out waiting to find out if I'd get the financial aid for school, and luckily I did. And then last week I find out that I even got state work study on campus and now found myself with both attending school & with a new job. I couldn't be happier & thankful.
But then this stupid sickness got me, and now to me, it just looks like I'm showing a bad example of myself. I don't know. I know it's not my fault I got sick, stuff happens. But I'm just so upset. I mean, last week when school started I told myself that I'm going to be extremely focused this year. I promised myself to go to school every day, study hard, work hard, and not have to come up with excuses. I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I changed. I want to change.
Maybe I just over think things too much. Maybe I'll be okay. Yes it may look bad that I'm missing school when school just started, but after I overcome this, I have the rest of the fall quarter to prove to myself & others that I can stay focused in school.
I guess another thing that upsets me is that some people say, "Well I still go to school/work even when I'm sick." And sometimes I wish I could just tell them , "Yeah, well good for you". I mean I've gone to school sick before. But damn, I just knew I wouldn't be able to take it if I had gone this week. Monday & Tuesday I was running to the bathroom every 15-20 minutes. The pains in my stomach were so sharp I couldn't think of anything else except the pain.
I dunno, I really hate myself right now. I wish I wouldn't of gotten sick. I wish I could go back in time and not have eaten anything Saturday night. I wish I was strong enough to go to school and just deal with this sickness. I wish so many things. And I know I can't change time or anything that has happened. All I can do is believe in myself and just keep trying. I'm so tired of caring and worrying about what others might say. I got to stop thinking negatively.
I don't want to have the whole "it's not my fault I got sick" excuse in my mind. I'm not going to blame it on anyone or anything. It's my fault and I acknowledge that. It's my fault I went out drinking Saturday night. It's my fault I came home & ate that food. And it's my fault I've missed school. Those were my choices and I just have to tell myself to accept the consequences, if any.
All I'm going to do now is catch up on my homework, get myself feeling better & go back to school without any fear of who I may have disappointed or inconvenienced this week.
GOOD LUCK YESI! XD
... Oh, and just for the sake of making myself or anyone reading this feel better:
..... yeah, I feel better now.